My husband has been expressly written out of his parents' will. He is an only child. He faded over 35 years ago, but is not DF'd. The estate is probably worth well over one million dollars, and the WT takes all. My in-laws have made it very clear that they "do not help adult children financially." Period. End of discussion.
Sail Away
JoinedPosts by Sail Away
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Have JW relatives disinherited you? (especially Canadian)
by berrygerry ininteresting court case whereby the entire will was declared void because the father was racist.. would that not also apply to jw's who disinherit their non-jw family?.
http://news.nationalpost.com/2015/01/29/judge-rejects-ontario-mans-racist-will-that-disinherited-daughter-for-having-bastard-white-son/.
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No Natural Affection
by Sail Away indo you remember how the wt society likes to quote the scriptures that say "the love of the greater number will cool off" in "the last days" and men will have "no natural affection"?
they applied this to "worldly people".
even before my exit i, used to think that scripture applied to members of the "christian congregation" too.. i haven't written to my jw mil in about a year and a half.
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Sail Away
freein2004
Wow! sail Away, that is tough. I applaud your husband for continuing to make contact. Even though it probably will never change anything I do believe it is something he will never regret. Peace to you all and congrats on your grand baby.Thank you, freein2004! We are beyond the moon excited about our new grandson! My husband and I both agree that we have the power to not allow other people's thoughts and behaviors to change who we are. It's a high price to pay in a family dynamic like this, but as you say, he will have no regrets later. -
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No Natural Affection
by Sail Away indo you remember how the wt society likes to quote the scriptures that say "the love of the greater number will cool off" in "the last days" and men will have "no natural affection"?
they applied this to "worldly people".
even before my exit i, used to think that scripture applied to members of the "christian congregation" too.. i haven't written to my jw mil in about a year and a half.
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Sail Away
flipper
SAIL AWAY- I feel for you and your husband. I have observed in the 11 years that I've been out of the JW's that my staunch JW extended family gets colder and more inhumane as each year passes. Unfortunately they're trained by the WT Society and mind controlled and conditioned to be this way.
My 87 yr.old JW mom is NOT this way as she and I are really close- almost a year ago my elder 89 yr.old dad warehoused her into an assisted living facility instead of letting her have in-home care which he most definitely could afford to do if he wanted to. But I believe in the 67 years of marriage my dad is punishing my mom for always having an independent mind even as a JW questioning his decisions at times. Now in HIS mind he doesn't have to hear it everyday. The man is disgusting in my view. He told my older JW sister that he finds his own gay grandson's homosexuality " sickening " and refused to see my non-Witness nephew and his partner. Then my older sister REPEATED what my dad said to her son, my nephew.
I find my JW's family behavior barbaric and disgusting, and so does my mom. Then I have 2 adult JW daughters who are 28 yrs.old and 26 yrs.old , pioneers . who ave shunned me and my non-JW son ( aged 29 ) for 11 years now. I call just to say hello, and my daughters NEVER return my phone calls. This is the result we get when an unethical, corrupt, mind control cult steals the minds of our loved ones and family. It's hard not to take it personally because we are human- but the lion's share of the blame I put on the shoulders of WT Society leaders who create these inhumane monsters of human beings. WT leaders skate away not taking ANY responsibility for these monsters that they've created. Hopefully WT leaders will pay for their crimes against families and humanity someday. One can only hope. Peace out, Mr. Flipper
Mr. Flipper, I'm so very sorry for your pain. I don't think I could bare such a long and deep estrangement from my children. You are right, the behaviors you describe in your father are all about mind control, conditioning and programming. I do think a certain hardening of the heart is required to shun family. I'm not that person. I refused to shun my son. It freed me from my lifetime of servitude at age 52.
It sounds like your mom is a love. I'm sure she treasures you now more than ever. My mom is in a nursing home too. She has late-stage Lewy Body Dementia and can no longer live independently. She no longer knows me by name, but I am able to comfort and calm her when she is agitated. There is a familiarity that she still understands.
Watching our parents grow old and die is something we were simply not prepared for in JWland. Treasure the moments you have with your mom, and please don't give up hope for your daughters either. My family NEVER expected me to leave. I was an all-in JW for 42 years. One of the strongest and most cruel hooks they have to keep people in is the belief that the members still in must remain loyal if they ever want to see their family member return and survive Armageddon. That is what kept me in for so long.
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No Natural Affection
by Sail Away indo you remember how the wt society likes to quote the scriptures that say "the love of the greater number will cool off" in "the last days" and men will have "no natural affection"?
they applied this to "worldly people".
even before my exit i, used to think that scripture applied to members of the "christian congregation" too.. i haven't written to my jw mil in about a year and a half.
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Sail Away
Sail Away, do you plan to be by their deathbed in the near future? Pardon me if I sound cruel but if you do you should tell them exactly how you feel.
Village, my husband fully expects that he will not be notified if either of his parents are on their deathbed. He is convinced that he will not hear a word until after they have died and are buried. His father made it very clear that "communication is nice, but not necessary", "everything is all set" and "the brothers will handle everything." Essentially, the message is don't call us and we won't call you. My husband has been written out of the will since he faded. The estate is considerable, and the WT takes all.
My husband chooses to keep in touch periodically, but neither one of us have any intention of ever seeing them in person again. The last visit was unbearable.
If I could tell them how I think, I would, but it is not my call. It's my husband's family.
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No Natural Affection
by Sail Away indo you remember how the wt society likes to quote the scriptures that say "the love of the greater number will cool off" in "the last days" and men will have "no natural affection"?
they applied this to "worldly people".
even before my exit i, used to think that scripture applied to members of the "christian congregation" too.. i haven't written to my jw mil in about a year and a half.
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Sail Away
3rdgen
Sail Away, I can relate. We feel a combination of anger and pity for them. Another reason why your in-laws can't connect with the idea of their great grandchild is that he clearly represents the FOURTH generation in their family born AFTER 1914. Too hard for them to process the fact that they have hitched their star to a failed prophecy.You are right, 3rdgen, everyone else in the world would see this as four generations. Only in JWland do they try to wrap their brains around overlapping generations. When I first heard that term at the then District Convention, my first thought was, "That's crap!" I was completely out less than a year later.
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50
My mother says I should just DA already.
by Julia Orwell incut the cord.
sever all ties.
start new.. and she's right.
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Sail Away
doofdaddy
Well after reading all this esp your comments, I see that you yourself would make an excellent cult counsellor. Go back to Uni and do a psych degree maybe at Bond as it is so close to you. No doubt you would get a lot of Advanced Standing for your Dip Ed and from reading your posts I could imagine that you would flourish under attending a campus rather than distance education (of course you will run up a HECS bill but hey you only live once).
I love this idea! If I had my bachelor's degree and teaching certification, I would do this in a heartbeat!
I, too, see the Asian influence in your art!
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No Natural Affection
by Sail Away indo you remember how the wt society likes to quote the scriptures that say "the love of the greater number will cool off" in "the last days" and men will have "no natural affection"?
they applied this to "worldly people".
even before my exit i, used to think that scripture applied to members of the "christian congregation" too.. i haven't written to my jw mil in about a year and a half.
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Sail Away
Do you remember how the WT society likes to quote the scriptures that say "the love of the greater number will cool off" in "the Last Days" and men will have "no natural affection"? They applied this to "worldly people". Even before my exit I, used to think that scripture applied to members of the "Christian Congregation" too.
I haven't written to my JW MIL in about a year and a half. I just got to the point that I couldn't bare her venom, doom and gloom, Armageddon death threats toward my husband and her preaching at me because they suspect that I've left the organization as well. They live over 500 miles away and have no way of confirming my status short of calling my former congregation. I don't believe they've done this.
I broke my resolve to not communicate with her and sent a card congratulating her and my FIL on becoming great grandparents. I sent family photos of the baby, our daughter and her husband. Last weekend my husband called my FIL to check in, because we hadn't heard back in weeks. His father said my MIL has the flu and thanked him for the photos.
My in-laws are totally anti-technology. They have been JWs for over 50 years and refuse to get an iPad for meetings and service. They have never had a computer and never will. They have no cell phones either. My FIL got phased out from the RBC and as a Presiding Overseer years ago, because no one could contact him in a timely manner. This hurt him deeply.
Anyway, my husband offered to email a video and a link to more photos to a congregation member, so my in-laws could see them. My husband grew up with this man. My FIL said, "That won't be necessary. It really doesn't have anything to do with us."
Further, I got a note in the mail from my MIL yesterday, and I quote:
"Dear D**** and D****,
P*** (FIL) and I thank you for the photos of your grandson and his parents!!
Do you plan to visit the family in Central America?
I am recovering from the flu. This cold weather keeps me home. The friends have given me calls, cards and comfort food.
LV CM (her hallmark signature line)
P.S. The Hallmark card is a work of art! Thank you!"
Mind you, my in-laws have been shunning their own son for over 35 years with the exception for "essential family business". Also, they shun our children, as our son is DF'd and they consider our daughter to be "a slut" (I called MIL on the carpet for that remark while I was still an active JW!) and DA'd by her actions, because she went to college and had "worldly boyfriends". That being said, I don't understand how they will not even acknowledge their own great grandson!
My husband thinks it is because they can't acknowledge that they are still living in "this system of things' when their own son was never supposed to grow up, never mind have children and grand children. Now they are nearly 90 years old and need to face the facts. They have grown old and will likely die before their promised panda paradise. I am both angry and sad for them.
My husband sent me this article just last night. I wish he would just give up and cut them off. Any contact with them is hurtful toward him. I can see it in his eyes and his demeanor after the obligatory five-minute phone calls.
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St John's wort
by wannaexit inst john's wort is accepted by the medical literature for use in mild to moderate depression.
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if anybody is using it could you share your experiences with it?
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Sail Away
GrreatTeacher
I agree that vitamin D is worth looking into. I take a daily supplement and still have tested vitamin D deficient with bloodwork. I occasionally have to take prescription strength vitamin D of 20,000 iu to get my blood levels normal.
Also, consider calcium and magnesium supplements. This trio works in concert and has had a beneficial effect on my mood.
I take my calcium/magnesium supplement at bedtime. It helps with sleep, and I am told it absorbs better on an empty stomach. Calcium/magnesium and Vitamin D also help when you have osteoporosis.
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How many of you followed the WTS direction on education years ago and have been screwed by it?
by Julia Orwell ini'm really interested in this question because i've heard for years that if you forgo further education and go pioneering, when you have a family down the track you will get a good job because jehovah will provide for you because you pioneered.
as long as i was a kool-aid drinker, even then, i thought, "how does pioneering pay your bills?
surely education should come first.
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Sail Away
Count me in with those who got duped. I graduated fourth in my high school class, turned down a full college scholarship and went off to "pioneer where the need was great" in the middle of nowhere-- small town, North Dakota, USA in l976.
I didn't wake up to TTATT until I was 52. My husband is older and too near retirement for us to spend money on a college education now. I do love learning new things though and am currently taking an online class called Fundamental of Photography from the New York Institute of Photography. I'm very happy with their program. I've always been told I'm a good photographer. I like working with the professional photographer who is assigned as my mentor.
At least we have some retirement savings in Simple IRAs. I am the Human Resources administrator for our small business. It's my job to make sure we have good health insurance and other employee benefits. We also have long-term disability which is a relief, because my husband is having some health problems now, and we may need it.
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My mother says I should just DA already.
by Julia Orwell incut the cord.
sever all ties.
start new.. and she's right.
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Sail Away
Julia, your art is simply exquisite, please focus on that as it is healing. Let the things that are making you feel less than adequate and stressing you out go. It's time to take care of yourself. Work on why it is that what other people think of you (JWs and former co-workers) has such power to hurt you. I understand the feeling that everything we do isn't good enough or isn't worth the effort. That is JW programming-- it's the whole everything is "vanity and striving after the wind" thing. I still struggle with that.
I wrote a DA letter, but didn't mail it. That felt good. I also really like the idea of the letter of resignation that was posted here on this forum. It's something to do preemptively without playing by their rules. Do what rebel8 said and block JWs from your life-- disfellowship them! I also worked very hard at deprogramming myself. One thing still on my list of 50 Ways to Leave your Cult is to donate blood. I need to make time to do that.
I'm glad you are looking into therapy. I have a Buddhist therapist. I really like the perspective of Buddhist psychology. I read a lot of books, listened to CDs and took a few online classes by Insight Mediation Society teachers like Jack Kornfield, Sharon Salzburg, Jack Goldstein and Tara Brach. The Interdependence Project in NY City is a good resource for online secular Buddhist teachings. I belong to a local Insight Meditation Society Sangha (community) associated with Yale University and have met some amazing people there.
Books and recordings that helped me:
Radical Self-Acceptance, by Tara Brach
The Wise Heart: A guide to the Universal Teachings of Buddhist Psychology, by Jack Kornfield
When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times, by Pema Chodron.
ETA:
https://www.edx.org/course/science-happiness-uc-berkeleyx-gg101x#.VMex92jF8b0
Watch inspirational talks at https://www.ted.com/talks